No one enters a relationship thinking they are going to get divorced or separated. Unfortunately, divorce does occur and can be earth shattering for all involved. As a therapist, I believe that most conflicts can be worked out, whether you are married or divorced.
During times of stress it is important to find good healthy social support through friends and family that are neutral and who only want the best for all those involved. If you have gone through a divorce, or are going through a divorce I would recommend divorce counseling during the divorce, separation or mediation and post divorce to rebuild and move forward.
Post Divorce Counseling:
Post divorce counseling is therapy for those who have finalized divorce and are now having to make decisions for their future; and in many cases for their children. This can be private or court ordered. It is important to acknowledge the feelings of loss and grief that are associated with divorce or separation.
During a court divorce or separation process, there is usually adversarial feelings. Both have been lawyered up, both have been coached to NOT show vulnerabilities, share their true thoughts and show emotions- which are key characteristics of healthy individuals. Strategy is the name of the game in most court related divorces and separations.
In some situations both parties are ready to move forward and may feel relief. One can also be left with feeling lost, scared, confused, anxious, self-doubt, depressed and angry. These feelings can lead to self-destructive behaviors, feeling stuck or discouraged about the future and new relationships. There may be spiritual and religious challenges and doubts that may arise. Sufficient to say that separation or divorce can freeze a person’s ability to move forward- spiritually, mentally and physically. This can impact all involved including the children.
However, it is important to note that divorce does not automatically impact your children’s future in a negative way. Child psychology research has shown that some children from divorced families are more independent, handle change better, are adaptable, can self soothe and learn to cope will loss.
The outcome of children will highly be impacted by the handling of the divorce; the parent’s behavior through the divorce and their behavior and communication after the divorce. Children that are negatively impacted by divorce and separation will (unless parents get on the same page after the divorce) project anger, depression, self-harming or self-destructive behaviors, isolation and defiant behaviors.
Post Divorce Counseling for the Individual
We recommend post divorce counseling to help heal, move forward and to grow from the experience.
Many individuals who are going through divorce do a good job of hiding their emotions and sometimes pushing others away. They change their healthy routines and healthy habits and replace them with behaviors that are from a survival stance.
In post divorce counseling the therapist helps the individual client work on the self, the grief and loss, the feeling of shame or bitterness while guiding the client to a renewed feeling of strength and hope.
Post Divorce Counseling – Parenting:
The therapist will work with both parents to create a safe space where the wellbeing of the children is paramount. The therapist will work in the area of co-parenting counseling where parents and therapist make executive decisions adhering to court ruled custody decisions or if mediation was used then we use the mediation conclusion report to guide our work. We work together using co-parenting counseling, positive parenting, child therapy or other methods to ensure the well-being of the children.
In cases where only one parent has full custody of the child due to the custody agreement we work on parent child relationship, schedule parent-child sessions, explore loss and grief, and work on creating a safe and healthy home for you and your child.
This Post Written By:
Edward Callirgos MAS, LAMFT – Therapy With Heart
8737 E. Via De Commercio, Suite 200
Scottsdale, Arizona 85258
Phone: (480) 888-5380