For The Sake Of Honesty
I have a confession…I enjoy watching The Bachelor for pure entertainment. Although the quite ridiculous concept of one attractive man dating twenty-five beautiful women is fun to watch, there are actually some intense relationship dynamics that I can’t help but analyze! One thing I’ve noticed this season is the use of “I’m just being honest” as a way to avoid, defend, excuse, and in multiple interactions, hurt the other person.
Honesty is the best policy. I often tell clients that our goal is to open up honest dialogue, whether with a parent/child, husband/wife, or discussing conflict or other relationship challenges. That being said, honest dialogue needs some parameters for emotional safety.
- Be clear about your intention or purpose of sharing.
- Detach from the outcome. You can not control the other person’s response. You are attempting to share your own experience and feelings.
- Make sure the person you are wanting to talk to is open to have this conversation and find a good time for both of you (not when the kids are running around and the dog is barking, for example).
- Share your feelings and make it about you and your reactions versus an attack on the other for the “sake of being honest”.
- Reiterate that your goal is to create more closeness or positive interactions.
- Offer gratitude to the person for being available and responsive.
I hope you have great open and honest conversations!
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