What is sex to you?
There are many ideas that come to mind when one hears the word sex. Most people may think of intercourse. However, this idea that sex equals intercourse may not fit for everyone and does not encompass all that sex can be. Now for some experiences, sex can absolutely include intercourse and for other experiences intercourse is not included. Both are still sex.
Why am I saying that sex does not only equal intercourse? First, because sex can include a multitude of activities. It is a whole encounter, which may or may not include intercourse. It can include kissing, hugging, grinding, and massaging. It can include tickling, stroking, spooning, and rubbing. It can include fingering, oral stimulation, showering together, masturbation, and cuddling. Referring to these activities as “foreplay” creates a hierarchy where activities other than intercourse are only seen as precursors or appetizers and not seen as important as the “main event.” When in fact, some of these activities may be the most pleasurable for partners. Some of these activities may follow a progression toward others and sometimes they can be enjoyed as themselves. Sex can include orgasms or not include orgasms. Sex can include genital stimulation or not include genital stimulation. There is so much that can fall under the umbrella of sex and it is different for each person. All are sex.
Secondly, I say sex does not exclusively equal intercourse because that idea excludes people. Thinking of sex only as intercourse is heteronormative. Heteronormative is based on the idea that heterosexuality is the only normal and natural expression of sexuality. The idea of sex that is continuously emphasized in media is that a penis enters a vagina and that is sex. This idea of sex excludes LGBTQ+ people, people with disability, and people who enjoy sex in other ways. The idea of sex that is most often portrayed in media does not acknowledge other ways people experience sex. Not everyone enjoys or can have penetrative sex, this does not mean their sexual experience is less valid.
If there is one takeaway for sex, it is that sex is about pleasure. It may involve intercourse it may not involve intercourse. Participate in activates that are enjoyable, desirable, and pleasurable for you. Talk with your partner or partners about what sexual activities are loving, connecting, and fun to you. Each of the activities listed above, and many more are great as they are. You get to decide what sex is to you.
