Many movies have messages within them or takeaways that invite us to reflect on who we are or how we move through life. Inside Out and more recently Inside Out 2 are great examples of movies with a message. Inside Out follows a young girl named Riley who is uprooted from her life in the Midwest as her family moves to San Francisco. As she settles into her new life and routine, her emotions: Joy, Fear, Anger, Disgust, and Sadness all do their best to help Riley navigate her new home. Through it all, the emotion Joy tries to keep Riley in the state of happiness as much as possible, believing that what she was doing was best for Riley to navigate the new challenges that emerged. Which I would say is not uncommon for how a lot of people navigate their world, doing their very best to stay positive and look on the bright side. Unexpectedly, what Joy learns by the end of the movie is that all of the emotions deserve to have space with Riley, including Sadness.
What I experience from many clients is a fear of experiencing a particular spectrum of emotions or being curious about a part of themselves. If you have ever seen an Emotion Wheel, I would say many people try to stay out of the Sadness, Fearful, and sometimes Angry sections. Most often the held belief about feeling these emotions is that they will feel overwhelming. And in Inside Out, Joy held a similar belief. She feared that Riley feeling Sadness would be a bad thing. However, what we know is that all emotions deserve some time to be recognized and acknowledged for our wellbeing.
Believe it or not, Inside Out has some similarities to Internal Family Systems (IFS) a therapeutic model developed by Richard Schwartz. This model describes that we all have parts and that having parts is a natural state of being. Parts all have a positive intention for the system (you) and sometimes parts are forced into extreme roles that they don’t like due to trauma and attachment injuries. Remember Anxiety in Inside Out 2? That can be viewed as a part. Perhaps a part took on this role of being anxious to prepare the person for any unforeseen outcome and make sure things go “right.” So, can you see the positive intention behind anxiety? To keep the person safe. However, maybe this role is a little extreme and in getting to know this part, it can learn it does not have to be in this extreme role as often.
Back to IFS, there are no “bad parts” and our goal is not to get rid of parts. Parts want to release the negative experiences, emotions, and memories they carry and not be stuck in performing extreme roles. Clients are able to help parts unburden negative beliefs by being in Self energy. Clients have all of the compassion, wisdom, courage, and connectedness to be with the most hurt parts of themselves when they are in Self. And the system (you) can move in a more balanced and integrated way.
The idea of parts is not uncommon. We see it in Inside Out and it can also be seen in Emily and Amelia Nagoski’s book Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle where Emily and Amelia describe a part as a “madwoman.” This madwoman part tells the person to be a version of themselves that will be approved or valued by others. Which means sometimes this madwoman is critical, shaming, or perfectionistic to you. Remember, she is not a bad part, she is probably doing an extreme role. This madwoman part is viewed as unpleasant because she expects so much of the person and there is no room for error. Authors Emily and Amelia invite curiosity around the madwoman to learn what has led to her hardened presentation. They invite people to look closer to examine her sadness, her fears, and all the hard work she has done to help the person survive. As well as encourage a new relationship to be formed with the madwoman, where instead of criticism, there is gentle acknowledgement of her worry and compassion for her care.
Whether it is individual emotions like Sadness or a “part” we recognize such as our critical part, our perfectionist part, or a madwoman part, all the parts deserve our curiosity. Many of which may seem big and scary or downright unapproachable at first, but the more we can get to know them, the more we can understand their positive intention for us. Joy had a positive intention for keeping Riley out of the Sadness, the madwoman has a positive intention for the woman she lives in, and even your critical part has a positive intention for you. Most of these positive intentions involve keeping you safe in some way or another.
Maybe none of these parts listed resonate with you, but I would imagine you have parts of yourself that show up when you feel scared, when you need to be brave, or when you feel overwhelmed. I am sure folks can recognize a “fix it part” that comes about when a loved one is feeling a vulnerable emotion. And if we got curious and asked what would happen if I could not fix it? Then that might lead us to something more fragile and more sensitive. This fix it part might remember a time when “fixing it” was not possible and that there was another feeling in its place. Helpless? Hopeless? So, the fix it part learns to consider its job imperative.
In therapy we can get curious about any and all parts. Let’s get to know them! Because all parts are welcome.
If you are curious to learn more about Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy one good read is No Bad Parts by Richard Schwartz.
