As any parent knows, life can get pretty chaotic—especially with three kids in the mix. Between school projects, extracurricular activities, and the daily whirlwind of family life, it often feels like a constant juggling act. When you add a child who requires extra care of some kind (physical, mental, emotional) into the equation, that reality shifts even more. Each day becomes a lesson in prioritizing what truly matters.
Having a child with special needs or who requires extra care is like having a full-time job on top of everything else. Constant doctor appointments, managing therapies, working on skills, and personal assistant. While my other two kids are busy with barrel racing, dance, and school events, my time and energy often get funneled into supporting my special kiddo. It’s a labor of love, but it can also be exhausting.
It’s Okay to Not Do Everything
One crucial lesson I’ve learned is that it’s perfectly okay to not do everything that other families are. In fact, it’s essential. I used to feel guilty about saying no to playdates or skipping family outings, but I’ve realized my focus needs to be where it counts most. It is also okay to not do all things recommended for your special child. Right now, we do not have the recommended in-home therapies; we rely on what’s available at school and do our best at home. I have felt guilty for years not doing the recommended feeding therapy. I finally made explicit to the doctors that I was not available to drive 5 days a week for 45 minutes. Once I stopped focusing on my failure as a mom, my child randomly decided he can eat all the food and now feeding therapy is not needed! My child is funny in this way because when we stop focusing on something he becomes much more willing to do it on his own. Focusing on one thing at a time—whether that’s attending an IEP meeting, encouraging communication, or simply spending quality time with my child—is what helps me navigate the chaos.
What Can You Do?
If you’re feeling overwhelmed, here are a few strategies that have helped me:
- Seek Support: Don’t hesitate to lean on your partner, friends, family, or a therapist. Ask for help from a Respite provider or Nursing Agency. Sharing the load and having someone to talk to makes a world of difference. You cannot and I mean cannot do it alone.
- Make Time for Yourself: Cliché, I know. We give everything to our kids- even more to these unique ones but you HAVE to carve out any bit of time for you. For me, that means squeezing in a quick 30-minute workout daily and ensuring I have time to watch Sunday football (Go Steelers!) These small moments help recharge my energy and keep me grounded.
- Be Kind to Yourself: It’s vital to not be hard on yourself when things don’t go as planned. Missing a task or not following through doesn’t define your abilities as a parent. We’re all doing the best we can! Acknowledge ALL of the things you are doing and show yourself some grace.
- Acceptance: There is an acceptance that comes with this lifestyle. IT IS HARD. And I think it is very important to acknowledge this for yourself. You might be more exhausted than other parents, you might have less capacity than other parents, and you might have less time than other parents. Normalizing is the biggest thing I do for my clients and for myself to accept that I am overwhelmed, this life is different, and it is okay.
Finding Support
Connecting with other parents who understand the unique challenges of raising a special kiddo has also been a game-changer for me. Sharing stories, advice, and laughter with those who get it helps lighten the load and reminds me that I’m not alone in this journey. My journey has been different than others which had me still feeling “different” in these communities which caused me to reach out for my own therapy as well. Both felt like the right mixture of what I needed.
Celebrate the Wins
Lastly, remember to celebrate the wins—big or small. Whether it’s your child trying a new activity or your other kids showing kindness and understanding, recognizing these moments provides a sense of joy and accomplishment amidst the chaos.
In Conclusion
If you’re navigating a busy season with a complex child and siblings, remember: it’s okay to simplify. Focus on what matters, lean into your support network, and celebrate every little victory. Life may be hectic, but the love and growth we experience as a family make it all worthwhile.
