Fighting to Win
Fighting to win? That’s a lose-lose situation, but there is a way out. All couples have patterns in how they handle conflict. While the content may be different each time, there is generally an underlying pattern of how partners interact with one another. Sometimes that pattern is each partner trying to be the one who […]
Attachment message: “I am too much” Part 1
What is an attachment message? As children, we all receive messages about ourselves on how to navigate our connections with others, especially those closest to us. We then grow up and we carry those messages with us into our adult relationships. Children’s brains take in so many messages including what to do that will keep […]
In My Defenses
We enter our defenses whenever we sense conflict is about to start, after we have made meaning about an interaction, and mostly the entire time a conflict cycle is occurring. Our defenses also demonstrate what our cycle looks like with our partner. In some ways defenses are essential and in other ways, they get in […]
Meaning Making and the EFT Cycle
We make meaning out of every interaction we have with the people around us. Maybe someone was short in their response to you, and you wonder, are they mad at me? My friend did not return my call, did I do something wrong? This person completed the task for me although I said I can […]
12 Creative Ways to Connect Through Touch
Touch is a way of connecting and touch can also convey emotions. In the many ways touch has been researched, we’ve learned that loving touch is necessary to live and thrive. Touch from a loved one can give us feelings of comfort, safety, closeness, and being wanted. Below are 12 ways to engage in touch […]
Do Opposites Really Attract?
After 22 years of marriage and over 25 years of providing therapy, there is a common question I often hear. Do opposites attract? My husband’s hobby is playing video or complicated role play games and my hobby is being active and endurance trail running. I am literally falling on my face to go to sleep […]
The Madness of Love and How Therapy Can Help – Part 3: The Heroism of Love
Part III—The Heroism of Love Click here to read Parts I and II. Think of all the foolish things you may have done in a romantic relationship—the words that came out of your mouth during a fight; the thoughts that entered your mind in the aftermath of an argument; the promises you made to yourself […]
The Madness of Love and How Therapy Can Help – Part 2: The Messiness of Love
Part II—The Messiness of Love No matter how hard we work, giving and receiving love doesn’t necessarily equate feeling love. In my work as an EFT therapist, I see many different types of clients. Though virtually all of them come in with good intentions and even good insight, they get stuck resolving conflict, maintaining connection, […]
The Madness of Love and How Therapy Can Help – Part 1: Multidimensional Love
Part I—Multidimensional Love I love oatmilk lattes. I love baseball. I love my family. I love you. Do we really mean the same thing when we speak of our love for America’s favorite pastime, our family, or our partner? In the English language, we have one word to cover all the bases (pun intended) of love. […]
Infertility…Increasing Awareness and Sensitivity
On my birthday, I reflect on my life so far. I remembered my first life choice point with my husband when we were in our late 20s, early 30’s. I was very driven and ambitious. We had done everything we needed to do in our minds to be “ready” to have children. As the time […]